Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
