we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
