he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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