Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
