apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
