I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
