weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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