There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
