So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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