btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
