I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
