Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
