I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
