how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
