So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Be still, my beating vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
