and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
