This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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