Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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