my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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