It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
