i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
