I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
