Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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