dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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