i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
