1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
