Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
