You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
