just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
