Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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