I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
organizing the empties. That sober.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
