I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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