I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
