I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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