His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
