just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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