either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
