I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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