i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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