why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
