420 ftw
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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