I want to stick my p in your. b.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
