i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
