I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
