Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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