HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
