I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
