every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
