So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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