U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
